The Three Musketeers
by Three Musketeers
Summary: Sora, Riku and Kairi live a mostly normal life, though after Riku gets a genius idea to write a sort of biography of the group, they realize that sometimes, the things they do don't look all that good on paper.
1. Chapter 1

Okay, so, I originally started this as a joke when I was hanging out at General Featherduser's (megan) house with Gippal the Pimp (so, yeah-- Anne Marie) and I didn't intend to upload it, but we have decided that it is pretty freaking sweet and that we probably should. Oeace out- Captain Snippet... Heather

**The Three Musketeers**

Chapter 1

Sora rolled his eyes at the crappy joke his friend Kairi had just made and kept playing Final Fantasy X, which was a mostly retarded game because it had a shit turn-based battle system. Riku, who was the coolest of the three people there, politely informed Sora that he hated the characters in that "goddamned fucking game" because they were "goddamned fucking asshats." Especially that bitch, Brother, Riku mused. I hope he dies. The jerk. Attacking the party just before the FMV with Yuna in her hideous wedding dress. Sora was playing on Kairi's game, raving about how, "KAIRI YOUR CHARACTERS ARE SHIT! LIKE, SOOO BAD!"

Riku agreed very much.

Kairi wasn't listening because she had actually left the room. Riku narrowed his eyes as the controller vibrated on his leg. He didn't understand why it had to be set on vibrate.

Randomly, Sora said, "Your sister sooo digs me!"

Sora went on to say something else but Riku didn't hear because he was busy writing a story about three girls named Heather, Megan and Anne Marie, whom he basically put in the same situation as he was in. (He talked about Heather hating vibrating controllers and Anne Marie playing Final Fantasy X and this Megan chick being God knows where.) Then, Sora, seeing what Riku had written about hating vibrating controllers, touched the controller to Riku's hand, who ignored it. The phone rang and Sora went upstairs to get it because Kairi called down that it was for him.When Sora came back downstairs he told Riku that he should put in the story that Megan was making grilled cheese sandwiches because that was what Kairi was doing, and this Megan character basically was Kairi.

"My mom is bringing my toothbrush," Sora said blankly. (They'd basically been at Kairi's for two days straight, eating candy.)

"Probably a good idea," Riku replied.

Sora nodded and turned his attention back to the vibrating controller and giant tank he was supposed to be fighting. He cursed as each character was killed in one hit.

"AAHHH! Her characters suck SO BAD! YOU SUCK!" he shouted at the screen. "Seriously, though, Riku, you have no idea how bad Kairi's characters suck. Like, SOOO BAD! Like, almost as much as your sister freaking digs me!"

Riku was now faced with a problem. He couldn't really put that in his story because why would Anne Marie say that to Heather? Riku decided that these characters would have to be flexible in what they say, and wrote it down as Sora continued, "But that's really saying something, don't ya think?"

Then, after a short silence: "Man, have you ever noticed how Tidus' hair is freaking awesome?"

Sora had started a new game due to crappy characters dying.

"Listen to my story..." Tidus began to say on the screen.

"No!" Riku said. "I don't want to listen to your fucking story!"

"Hey! Leave the sexy beast alone!"

Riku was pretty sure Sora was joking on that one. It was much simpler for his Anne Marie character to say that than for Sora to. Riku wrote it down. Sora began to go on about how sweet something about the game was. Riku tried not to pay attention, though it became difficult because Sora suddenly began to sing loudly and off-key. Which was not entirely true, seeing as it wasn't really singing as much as going, "DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO!"

On the TV pretty music began to play. The way Riku saw it, the only really good thing about Final Fantasy was the pretty graphics and nice soundtrack. He stopped writing to watch the FMV that was playing. He really wished Sora would shut the fuck up. But it seemed that it would not be happening anytime soon.

It was pretty fucking sweet, he decided, how everyone was running for their lives and Auron was simply strolling along. Riku shut out Sora again because he was talking once more.

"I wonder if Vicki ever reads any of the files we write on this computer.." Sora said absent-mindedly, referring to Kairi's mom.

Kairi came downstairs. "Hey guys... Come get some lunch... What are you doing?"

"Playing a new intense round of Final Fantasy," Sora replied, "Because I couldn't do it on your game because your characters suck so fucking much."

Brief silence. Then:

"Fuck you."

Riku faithfully wrote this all down. Kairi said the soup would get cold and got up to leave. Riku wrote that down and then decided to go eat. He turned off the computer.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Three Musketeers**

Chapter 2

By the time Riku had gotten upstairs, he had officially decided that he was going to upload the story on It wasn't a particularly well-written story and it probably wasn't going ot get any better, but he didn't exactly see anyh problem with uploading it-- it certainly wasn't going to hurt anyone. Turning the corner, Riku saw that Kairi had already begun eating. Two bowls were sitting out for him and Sora. Taken by a sudden moment of indecision, Riku couldn't be sure whether he should take the blue bowl or the green bowl. After several seconds of standing and looking stupid, he sat in his usual spot, glaring at the bowl in front of him _Fucking blue bowl..._ he thought angrily. He almost reached over to make an exchange between his bowl and the green one but Sora sat down and began to eat, no longer allowing him a choice of colour.

In truth, Riku still could've eaten out of that bowl... Yesterday Sora ate a Hershey kiss that had been in Riku's mouth. It was kinda weird. Riku glared at Sora who was now claiming that he could read Riku's mind. When Riku picked up his spoon to eat some soup, Sora claimed that he foresaw Riku taking a sip. Riki changed the subject, but Sora was relentless. Riku decided to do something that Sora would not be able to predict. Sora shrieked as Riku kicked him under the table.

Finishing their soup, the three headed to Kairi's room. While Riku uploaded the first chapter of their new story onto FictionPress, Sora discovered Kairi's 'Terry's Chocolate Orange.'

"OH MAN! THIS THING IS SOOO COOL!" he said.

Kairi laughed. "Who wants to play catch with the Chocolate Orange?" Riku rolled his eyes and continued to write, unprepared for what was about to happen.

Shrieking, he doubled over when Kairi threw the orange at his head.

"OH MY_ FUCK_! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?"

Riku cursed at the orange lying on the floor. Sora began laughing so Riku vehemently tossed the orange at Sora, who, unfortunately, caught it successfully. Sora tossed the hard chocolate ball to Kairi. She gasped and began to choke when it hit her in the throat.

"Do those things actually work?" asked Riku, taking it off Kairi's lap, the girl still spluttering for air. He opened the wrapping and frowned when he saw that the orange was intact. Sora yanked the ball of chocolate from Riku and began hitting it against the wall, hesitantly at first but then in a more spasmodic manner.

_Crack!_

_Crack crack crack!_

_Crack crack!_

Riku and Kairi watched disinterestedly as Sora once again pulled off the wrapping. "IT WORKED!" the brunette shouted excitedly.

Kairi took the orange from Sora and she and Riku began eating it. Sora wandered off. Later theyh realized that he had gone to the bathroom, because in the middle of a conversation they heard him saying, "I need to call my mom to find out where the jeff she is with my toothbrush!"

Riku wrote this down in the second chapter of their story, which they had titled The Three Musketeers, which is what they called themselves. Sora's mom finally did get there with his toothrush, much to Sora's joy, though Riku didn't realize this because he was playing From First To Last at full volume.

KJHQDIWONIUDHWQDIJWFDJQA

"FUCK!" Riku cursed as Sora clicked the mouse with his arm. "YOU JUST LOST HALF OF THAT FUCKING CHAPTER!"

Riku had been writing for over half an hour, writing everything that happened- from Sora and Kairi's two-person game of hide-and-seek to Riku getting briefly locked in a closet. And then Sora had to go and freaking lose it. What an ass.

Riku wrote down that Anne Marie had pissed Heather off by losing her story. Riku was beginning to like his Anne Marie character less and less. The bitch. Losing Heather's story. How dare she? That whore. Sora shoved the last of the chocolate orange in his mouth and ran off, presumably to hide in the shower again. Riku thought back to what he'd written down before. It sounded like something that had been made up... Randomly written, but it had actually happened. He realized with an odd twist in his stomach that he and his friends were really, really stupid. Looking up, he saw Sora standing in the doorway, brushing his teeth. Again. Kairi tried to enter the room again but Sora kicked her in the ass. Literally. He then fled from the angry red-head who was screeching at him.

"Oh, man..." Kairi said to Riku. "Sora just kicked my ass."

Riku nodded. "I saw."

Down the hall, he heard Sora saying, "BRUSH BRUSH BRUSH!" and running water.

Rolling his eyes as Kairi left the room, Riku had a sudden urge for hot chocolate... He would go steal some from Kairi...

**YOU ARE NOW LOGGING OFF**


End file.
